Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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