I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
