either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize