is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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