i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
