Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think people are normalizing furries
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
