she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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