so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
