Just cropdusted the office
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
