with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
