my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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