i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
