mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
