I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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