i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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