She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
