We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
