great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
