The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
