Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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