Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
