Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
