he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
