The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
nutella sex= disaster
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
