The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
