my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
