you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
