Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I need a beard to bite.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
