Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Randomize
