I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
