yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
