Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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