Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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