i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
