This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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