youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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