is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
