redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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