i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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