i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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