Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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