Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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