Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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