theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
