Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
