is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
that is very illegal...i love you.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
