the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
