At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
