It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
