i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
