We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
