im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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