omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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