I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
