no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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