it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize