Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
