Dude my mom stole all your condoms
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize