sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
