i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize