Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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