I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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