Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
