i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize