Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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