Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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