i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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