i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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