I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
