he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
