once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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