I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
