I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
