you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
