you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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