I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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