So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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