I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
