garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
