his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
