Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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