Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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