mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize