I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
